Finishing what I start

I should admit that sometimes I get discouraged with all the things that need to be done. It seems like no matter how much time I spend, it’s impossible to finish it. The amount of work overwhelms me and I opt out halfway. Often, I get discouraged along the way because I think that something shouldn’t have taken as long as it is, or I jump into things too quickly without realizing what I’m getting into, or I want it to be so perfect, I’m paralyzed from doing anything. How many times I keep delaying anything because I want to get it just right?

When I start something, I feel good, but when I start facing obstacles and uncertainty, doubt sets in. And then it becomes a battle, part of me wants to keep going, and another part wants me to stop and give up. I once talk to a random person about it, so then he asked, “But why? Are you afraid to fail? So what if you fail?”

Am I? Or I’m just afraid of regret?

One of the most difficult things to deal with in my life is regret. Sometimes, something will happen, and I will respond in the wrong way, and for a while thereafter I will wish I had done it differently. This is the worst kind of regret. What could be worse?

The chances I didn’t take. The relationships I was afraid to nurture. The decisions I waited too long to make. The things I didn’t even try when I had the chance. Those important words I left unspoken and deeds I left undone.

Then, this random person say, “You were not meant to sit at the edge of your comfort zone. Not trying for fear of falling. Not loving for fear of losing love. Not speaking your truth for fear of what others will think. Not looking at yourself in the mirror for fear of what you might see. Your mistakes should be your motivation, not your excuses. You are a smart person, why worried? Once you start improving, you’ll learn how to move around in the ring.”

I was shocked. Well, the fact that the one who saying this is a random person is more shocking though. I always hate that I had big plans, but the reality didn’t quite match the fantasy. It didn’t work out.

I couldn’t do anything.

At all.

Like, at all.

“There are a lot of ways to define “not working”, but if your *thing* isn’t working, you are allowed to find some other that does. If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.”

I nod silently, I know that I should stop beating myself up and stop think too much, since I always create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. I understand that if I want to fly, I have to give up the things that weigh me down. Now, you, self, will you finish what you start?


Sudah mau tiga puluh tapi tetap lucu kinyis-kinyis. Kinyis-kinyisnya sudah mutlak, lucunya masih dalam tahap diusahakan.

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