Jurassic World is an absolute failure and really sad to see. Don’t get me wrong, I was a huge fan of the original. Everything about it just captured my imagination and before you say “Oh this is just nostalgia kicking in” no it absolutely is not. The number one reason why I hated Jurassic World were the characters. They’re stupid, have no skill, buffoon, and every single one of them deserved to die. Other than that, the dialogue was a bit lacking and it was a little too “Hollywood” for my taste (cheesy kiss scenes/romance lines and a happy ending). The script was basically of bunch of cheesy groan inducing one liners, awkwardly stitched together.
The B-Plot (unnecessary divorce talks) is fucking preached. The mother dumps her kids on the main female character despite knowing she has minimal experience with children and expects her to put aside EVERYTHING to hang put with these kids. She guilt trips her despite the fact she literally sent the kids off to be with a relative they haven’t seen in seven years AT HER WORKPLACE and then bitches at her about family bullshit. This message was consistently backed up throughout the entire film. No matter what this woman did, no matter how logical and REASONABLE, she seemed to be punished for not playing her female role. Oh shit, she doesn’t know her nephews’ ages? The horror, the horror!
I could spend the whole post talking about the stupid nit-picky details in this movie:
- How could a facility that was so paranoid about security would be quite open and clear about the capabilities of its creations?
- Why didn’t they check the tracking device on the Indominus Rex first after it didn’t show up on thermal, before taking a leisurely stroll through the paddock of the most dangerous creature that ever walked the Earth? WHY THE PLOT IS PEOPLE DOING STUPID SHIT TO MAKE BAD WORSE? How in god’s name does a dinosaur with two stub arms claw a tracking device out of itself?
- Why was their only one fucking helicopter pilot on the island?
- Why were military veterans so fucking awful at aiming a gatling gun from a helicopter at a giant fucking target?
- Why would the T-Rex and Velociraptor seem to express some sort of mutual respect after killing Indominus Rex?
- Why would the Velociraptor give a single fuck about Chris Pratt when it already displayed a total disregard for loyalty and was simply a blood thirsty predator as it rightly should be?
- Who in their right mind would ever consider a velociraptor a viable military asset? This is the stupidest military tactician in human history. How much does it cost to raise a raptor? feed it? train it? transport it to war zones? maintain it while there? And then, you get the most useless weapon in any environment other than really confined space. Desert warfare? Our raptor weapons are dead from the heat sir! Winter? Our raptors froze to death sir! Tigers are pretty good killers too, but armies don’t use tigers because it doesn’t make any sense. People have guns.
- Why would the geospheres be off rails? This is an absolutely fucking stupid design. And if they are off rails WHY DID THEY NOT HAVE AN AUTOMATED RETURN SYSTEM?
- Why was she running in high heels? I don’t know who’s more badass – Chris Pratt for riding with velociraptors or Bryce Dallas Howard for running with those heels. The heels. For the whole movie. Those raptors are gonna be barking.
It doesn’t make fucking sense. Ever. At all. EVER EVER EVER. It literally ruined the movie for me, I even sit here all night listing things that were wrong with it.
I need to know I’m not the only one that, as a fan of the original, I wasn’t the only one who just felt hopelessly depressed about this stupid movie. And the most depressing part of watching this movie was realizing that the series is truly dead, or should be.
Synopsis: Twenty-two years after the events of Jurassic Park, Isla Nublar now features a fully functioning dinosaur theme park, Jurassic World, as originally envisioned by John Hammond. After 10 years of operation and visitor rates declining, in order to fulfill a corporate mandate, a new attraction is created to re-spark visitor’s interest, which backfires horribly.
Director: Colin Trevorrow
Writer: Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, Derek Connolly, Colin Trevorrow
- Chris Pratt as Owen Grady
- Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire Dearing
- Vincent D’Onofrio as Vic Hoskins
- Ty Simpkins as Gray Mitchell
- Nick Robinson as Zach Mitchell
- Omar Sy as Barry
- B. D. Wong as Dr. Henry Wu
- Irrfan Khan as Simon Masrani
- Jake Johnson as Lowery Cruthers
- Andy Serkis as Indominus rex
- Brian Tee as Katashi Hamada
- Lauren Lapkus as Vivian
- Katie McGrath as Zara Young
- Judy Greer as Karen Mitchell
- Andy Buckley as Scott Mitchell
- James DuMont as Hal Osterly
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 71%
Metacritic Score: 59/100
After Credits: No